A few posts ago, I mentioned that my husband had lost some weight and that he started yoga. As if moving across the world wasn’t enough, he wanted me to try yoga too. I can now check “yoga” off my list of things I want to try – and just to be clear, it was never on the list. But this is an adventure, so sign me up. I have now participated in survived 3 classes.
We were doing classes first thing in the morning – that proved to be a little too hectic – and a little too early – I fail to see why being awake before the sun is a good approach to anything – so yesterday, we began doing classes at night. It was much better. And I really believe it helped me sleep better. Sleep has not been coming easy to me in India.
I prepared for our class by eating 4 pieces of chocolate. The Hersheys milk chocolate chunks with almonds and toffee. My own little slice of nirvana. Hey, you say yoga – I say chocolate. It’s all good.
Our instructor walks in and we sit down on the ground. And we start breathing – is this new age? People have been breathing for centuries. Okay. I’ll be quiet. I am officially breathing. In. Out. In. Out. I think I am done here. I can breathe. In. Out.
Oh no, that is not all my little yoga friend. Stand up.
It appears that Number One Hubby and I are not exactly ready for “real” yoga because we aren’t what you would call flexible. So we are in yoga preschool and we are basically only allowed to do stretching at this point. Baby steps.
So we start off with some good old fashioned arm wind mills. One at a time. Big Circles. It is sadly not as easy as I remember it being in PE. Then we do both arms together. Then that damn instructor says the words I dread the most in yoga.
Let me just tell you that it’s not really that easy to move forward for us – yes we are out of shape – but reverse. That is a whole can of yoga kick ass.
We survived the wind mills and then do a few other standing up things.
Instructor: Lay down. Relax. Focus on your breathing.
Me: Oh, this is my favorite part.
Me: Yes, relaxing.
Hubby: You are going to get us kicked out of class. SHHHHH.
Instructor: Ha Ha funny lady – you will pay for that later.
I am frankly a little nervous about upsetting him. God forbid he has a blog and writes about his “problem” students. Or even worse, he gets us in some strange position, relaxes us, and then walks out the door – leaving us to untangle ourselves. So I decide to behave as best I can.
We relax for a minute – but then the yoga game is back on. More stretching. I heard a lot of cracking and popping. I thought the kids were asleep – but who is making microwave popcorn. Silly me – that is my husband’s bones. Crack. Pop.
Seriously, it was crazy. He is a very athletic guy but apparently he has never been flexible. At all. He cannot reach past his knees when trying to touch his toes. Yoga is painful for him. But he does already feel a difference. I am constantly entertained. Yes, he surely loves that about me.
Now it’s time for the one-legged bicycle. One leg. Now the other Leg. Together. Now both legs in tandem together – knees locked together.
I know you are laughing. But get down on the floor and try it. The reverse bicycle with your legs together is not easy.
So, then we roll over on our tummys. Now I can see just how dirty the floor is. And I start wondering if the instructor would mind if I took a few notes – I am so blogging about this and I don’t want to forget anything. And I need to write a note to self – no potato chips in the family room after Ravi has swept for the day. Marble floors are not a friend to potato chip crumbs. And there is a lot of cat hair. I guess the cats are shedding. Yippee.
While still on our tummys, we are to hold our arms and legs straight out -lifted as high as we can get them and put our heads straight back. Oh, and I have another favorite word – Hold. This word can make time stand still. It has magical powers. A minute instantly becomes 5 hours. Be careful how you use it.
Then we have to hold one leg up while turning our head to the opposite side.
Instructor: Right leg.
Instructor: Right leg.
Instructor: No really, start with your right leg.
Instructor: Your other left, please.
Okay, the whole premise behind yoga is being flexible – I say in body and in spirit – if number one hubby and I are both yoga retarded and start with our left leg, just go with it. No need to make us feel stupid – we’re just in preschool, remember? You are going to say switch in just a minute and then we’ll be busy with our right leg. During this little diddy, we put our head to the opposite side (near our armpit) and stretch. Now I find out that maybe it wasn’t just the driver who smelled a little ripe today. Hmmmm.
We do a few more stretches – some of which are hilarious but I lack the skills to adequately describe them. After I clear note taking with our instructor, I will ask if photography is allowed. And then I will get back to you. Until then, just think circus performer.
Now it is time to sit up. I have Meniere’s – I will surely bore you with the details of that little adventure in another post – but suffice it to say that my inner ear is out of whack. I get a mad headache when I sit up from these laying on the ground stretches and I feel very nauseous.
Luckily we are almost done. A few more breathing exercises and we can go to bed. So for our last breathing exercise, we hold our fingers over one side of our nose and breath in. Then we close off that side and breath out the other side. Then Reverse. And Repeat. Reverse. Repeat. Reverse. Repeat. Yes, “repeat” is important with breathing. See I am learning something.
This is either preparing us for some serious drug use – or clearing our minds and souls. I am sure it is the latter – but I have never snorted anything through my nose but nasal sprays – so it seems a little strange to me.
I think I might start my own form of yoga – how does this sound –
You lay in a lounge chair – perhaps with a pillow
You close your eyes so you do not see dirt or cat hair
You let your lungs and nose do what they were meant to do – all on their own
You stretch to the right – or left – and you pick up a frozen drink
You slowly bring the straw to your lips
No need to reverse
Just repeat, repeat, repeat.
If you must have something spinning – twirl that pretty umbrella that comes in the drink.
Yoga did help me get a better night’s sleep – it has helped me realize how sadly out of shape I am – it makes my muscles quiver – and it makes me nauseous. So I will be doing it again on Thursday.